i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
