So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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