Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
