Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
