Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
