i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
