He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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