he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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