fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
