Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
