drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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