Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
