you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
