this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
