When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
