My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
