Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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