There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
