At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
