why didn't you poke me back
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
