Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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