i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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