you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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