So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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