More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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