There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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