she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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