I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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