Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
