I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
