Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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