dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He shit in the fireplace
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
