my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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