I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
