I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
