i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
