So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
