I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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