All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
