Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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