so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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