Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
