wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
