I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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