I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
