I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We're too hungover to prance.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
