How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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