woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
