If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
