You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
