Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
