I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
