I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
