It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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