i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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