I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
