he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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